My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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