that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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