I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
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But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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