If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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