i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
