I just pynch a tree in the face
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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