Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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