Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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