so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
