i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
