Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
