he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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