She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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