This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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