I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
