dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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