Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
