Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
