Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
