i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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