Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
