she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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