New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
