Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
