It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
