who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
