The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
