Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
