no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
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