So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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