Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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