my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
