I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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