I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I faked an abortion last night.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
