I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
