I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
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Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
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The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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