Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We are all done wearing pants today
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
