By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I need to align my fucking chakras
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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