this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize