so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
