Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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