So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
