he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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