somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
