I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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