You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
