Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
