I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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