I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
