im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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