remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I need a burrito and a hug.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now