Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
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Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
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I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ