Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.