Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest