how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend