I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
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