Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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