i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
