theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
