I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
