My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
