on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
