Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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