We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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