Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
