there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
