girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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