This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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