I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
